Mirror, mirror on the wall, what is my identity at all?

What, if I ask my mirror whether I am a white urban male?

 

I guess I would be much surprised if the mirror answered anything else than: “You are!” But while I am being identified that way, do I see myself well represented by those categories? Well, whether I like it or not, my identity is not only established through my own perception of myself, but also through categories established by others.

Leading an expatriate life in Thailand, the difference between my own and other people’s perception of my identity has become blatantly obvious. Given the urge of Thais to underline the differences between Thailand and the rest of the world, I am most of all “Not Thai”. This category of people is usually identified with not understanding or being ignorant of the intricacies of Thai language, customs, religion or politics. The fact that I am a “male non Thai” makes every other taxi driver in Bangkok and probably quite a few others believe that I am actually wanting to go out with a Thai girl. Finally, being a “white male non Thai”, raises the probability that I am also financially attractive to those girls. Assumptions of this kind are – as a matter of fact – alienating! They do create a large gap between locals and expats, and, on top of that, they are overly simplistic and do not reveal all other components of individual identities!

Meanwhile, much can be said about the willingness of “white male non Thais” to adopt this single-issue approach to identify Thai people and especially their younger females. Socially acccepted ignorance is deceiving, especially if it helps finding a – probably much younger – girlfriend.

Identities are multi-facetted. I am not only white, urban and male, I am also a brother, a husband, I have a job, a certain education, I love foods and wines, I follow a certain religion, I collect things or have other hobbies. All these components have a respective weight in my identity; they weigh either more or less in a different social context. It seems so obvious.

After many years I have grown tired of seeing couples breaking up because finally the man discovers all other facets of his partners identity, or because the women comes to realise that, back home the white urban male may only come with a pot belly, and nothing else.